I am not the medical person in the family. That is E's domain. However, I feel that I have been around our parents long enough to document an entirely unique diagnosis: False Stomach. Our dad has been suffering from this for years. The underlying cause of this disorder is somewhat of a mystery. The malady strikes only at night, usually somewhere between 2-4 a.m. Its symptoms are night sweats, stomach pains and swear words. As this appears to be a gastric disorder, one would think that eating would be the last thing one would want to do. However, the opposite is true. Back in the day, our dad would wake up and eat an entire meal (usually breakfast oriented foods) and then go back to bed. More recently he has been known to get up and polish off two or three bananas, in between swear words. Upon arising at a socially appropriate time in the morning, our dad will declare that he has had a terrible night of sleep. When asked why, he will look at the questioner as if he or she is daft for asking such an obvious question and then reply "I had False Stomach."
It's his ability to consume these large quantities of food at predawn hours that have the medical community stumped. Is this diagnosis indicative of the presence of a tapeworm? Does he, in fact, have a hollow leg? Or is he just trying to get a jump on the day by eating an early breakfast? Obviously more scientific study is needed.